microthrills's Diaryland Diary

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Maybe I'm just tired.

Today was full of surprises. I offer you snapshots of my day.

3:00am
I am startled awake from a dream about ghosts. I was reading a ghost story before I went to sleep last night, reading helps me fall asleep, and I dreamt about ghosts in my bedroom closet watching me sleep and touching my feet. I almost jumped a mile high out of bed when the quilt I sleep with grazed my feet as I slept. I didn't go back to sleep this morning, I read more (not the ghost story), I touched myself until I came in hopes that it would lull me back to sleep and when that didn't work, I watched infomercials until it was time to get dressed for work.

IN THE OFFICE.
People were cranky this morning. Something about Mondays and walking into an office with no heat. I was happily buzzed on coffee laced with caramel and minded my own business until the office atmosphere was more welcoming to conversation.

FLORIDA.
I am not joining my friends in our annual spring break trip to Orlando this year. This will be the first time in 6 years I am missing it. My Ex, the one I lived with before I even met T wants to go and he should. He stayed out of the trip last year so I will concede this time. A coworker, JessicaRabbit, is asking me about spring break. Miami is an idea. So is Vegas. Something at the end of March, when I am ready to snap because I cannot tolerate the cold and my long green jacket anymore.

BROOKLYN.
JessicaRabbit and I are close. We are more than coworkers, we were friends first. We met in our interpreting program and since we started working together our friendship has become solid. We are complaining about our commute. A daily headache that involves either a boat or a two hour bus trip to get to work. She asks me if I still think about moving to Brooklyn.

"Everyday."

She tells me about an apartment in Park Slope her father owns above the funeral home he runs. She asks if I would ever be interested in living with her and splitting the rent and finally getting off of this island. I think she and I would make great roommates and we would have a blast. I do not want to get ahead of myself though. She promises to speak to her father about it, nothing can happen until the Spring anyway because there is a tenant there.

BABIES.
I am surrounded by babies lately. Two of my friends gave birth last week. My sister is due in March. This morning, I was chatting with my best friend, Candy, and catching her up on my sister's situation. She is not responding in typical Candy style, she is barely reacting to the news at all. I learn that she is pregnant, too. I immediately think back to a couple of summers ago when she was pregnant, for the first time. I remember worrying with her for weeks because she did not get her period. I remembered going into the drug store with her to buy the test. It was in my bathroom the lines appeared and confirmed what she already knew. I told her I would support her, no matter her decision. It was my bed she slept in after the abortion. She admitted she cried everyday for months after the procedure. And now, again. She does not know who the father is, though she hopes it is her boyfriend's. There is a strong chance it may not be. She asked me to be available to her on Friday and of course I will be.

RETAIL THERAPY.
I am wandering around a store with stockings in my hand. I am constantly buying stockings in the wintertime. I keep an endless supply of little black dresses for work. White skin shows up best against black material, it is the best wardrobe choice for work so my clients can watch my hands clearly moving as I sign to them. Sometimes, I cheat and wear a bright red dress when I don't want to look like I am going to a funeral. I usually find some kind of peace when shopping. Today I am mostly agitated at how crowded the store is and the saleswoman who keeps suggesting ugly things to me because I asked her one question about a sweater they do not have in my size.

BALLS.
I enjoy Monday nights. I go bowling on Monday nights and it feels great to get competitive and smash pins down and clear my mind as I stare at the arrow on the middle board and guide the ball to the middle pin and they all cascade down. Tonight, I bowled my three best games since I joined our team. I am trying to enjoy the night but I can't relax the way I usually do when I am there. My breasts are sore and tender to touch for some reason and every time I throw the ball I become hyperaware of them. The team captain keeps slapping my ass every time it is my turn because she is proud. I begin to tally up the number of girls that enjoy doing this me. I am distracted by one woman on the team we are playing; she keeps saying my name when it is my turn and it forces me to turn around and break concentration. I wonder if she is doing it on purpose. We beat them and take all the points.

FOOD GIVES YOU ENERGY.
My mother and I are sharing a late dinner and share what happened during the day. I think about my plans to move again. I think about my nephew's quickly approaching arrival. I think about my mother's increasingly frequent anxiety attacks that change her from loving and attentive to overbearing and irrational. With all these reasons to stay, I still want to go.

PEGGING.
Tuesday nights with T. We go to the movies on Tuesday nights and I like this activity but I hate the trip home after the movie. T has offered his warm body and bed on movie night and I plan to take full advantage of it tomorrow night. We first experimented two weekends ago with our new toy. Fucking T with a small(ish) dildo, on camera, while he squirmed and smiled and I jerked his cock and told him what a bad boy he was. This kind of role reversal gives me a thrill. Showing it off to everyone on our zoig profile gives me an even bigger thrill. I love macrothrills.

11:31 p.m. - 2010-01-11

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