microthrills's Diaryland Diary

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slowing down (long time coming)

I�m a giver. I always have been.

This morning, I was on the train and next to me sat a man who just looked so deep in thought and worried. He was typing on his laptop and was in the middle of working on an Excel spreadsheet. It looked like a budget and red, negative values were streaked across the screen. Clearly, his business was in trouble and I felt almost overcome to comfort him.

These feelings come to me when I�m with people I know and with strangers. I see someone in need and I feel compelled to try to fix it. Homeless people, the Deaf clients I work with, my girlfriends who are heartbroken, my guy friends who need their dick sucked, my boss who worries about the future of our company...

Sometimes, I wonder if this is a character flaw instead of a good thing. What happens when you give and give and give? Sometimes I feel exhausted by the lack of reciprocity from some people in my life.

I'm going on a date with FE again. I did not appreciate the way he dropped me after Labour Day. I thought we had a good plan worked out. He could get some NSA beejs and I can satisfy my craving for sucking on a new dick.

He called out of the blue for a sexy get together...and then canceled. And then called again to make dinner plans, a much more innocent night in mind. I agreed to that because at this point, he is starting from square one...maybe one and a half.

10:42 p.m. - 2009-10-27

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