microthrills's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- We accept the love we think we deserve. This past weekend, I learned that my sister is pregnant again. This will be her second child. She has a six year old daughter from a previous engagement and her current fianc�, the father of the unborn baby, left her six months ago because �he wasn�t ready to be a father� to my niece. My sister is now six months pregnant with his son. Is he ready to be a father now? This news has shaken my family. I still cannot understand why she kept it a secret, from me, for six months. I can understand not wanting to tell our parents, she still lives under their roof with her daughter and it has been, and will continue to be a burden on their retirement. The fact that she kept this secret from me has felt like a slap in the face. The baby is due in a mere two and a half months. There is no plan for where they will live since my sister�s fianc� lives at home, with his mother, and her ten emotionally disturbed foster children. This is hardly the place for a newborn, a six year old and my sister to be. With all the sadness, confusion, and disappointment surrounding this news, there is a spark of love for this baby. He is coming either way and will not be loved any less than my niece by my parents or me. While discussing the situation with my friend, The Economist, we were trying to come up with solutions; positive outlooks on the situation. Financially, I would like to see my sister, and her fianc�, step up and make sure that my parents do not spend a dime more on this baby than they want to. My sister has an expensive phone, jewelry, cable, computer, Interwebs all set up at my parents house. I hope my parents make her live a more bare-bones lifestyle. She has never had to learn responsibility and her problems always become The Family�s problems. The Economist thought of having my sister giving my parents her weekly paycheck to deposit in a savings account with a tight stipend for weekly expenses and the rest of it banked for the upcoming baby expenses. There is nothing more humbling than having to ask your parents for your own money. It is in my nature to try to be supportive and I have been until both my sister and mother snapped at me when I tried to talk about what the future plans were. I mean, assuming my sister and her fianc� had some, amirite? No. My sister became defensive, and asked me to stop treating her �like a piece of shit� and my mother, though lamenting the responsibility a newborn will bring into her house, took comfort that �at least one daughter will give her grandchildren�. Feeling a little betrayed, I have stepped back from both of them this week. I am comfortable with the lifestyle I lead. I support myself with no help from my parents, or a spouse, or a boyfriend. I hold down a full time job that I am really good at. I have a college degree and two years of higher education after that. I have a healthy social life. I do not want any of this disrupted by children. I think about the two sets of friends I have: my local, suburban friends and the ones I have from outer boroughs. My local friends have been married for years, with a baby (or two!!!), and a home, and many of them still work at the same job they did when they were going to college (degrees left unfinished). For my parents, and many people of their generation, that is a measure of success. Marriage, children, stability. Do not misunderstand me here, this is a perfect life for the people who want it, and I do not turn my nose down at it when it is what they want. I just wish more people wouldn�t look at me like I have lobsters coming out of my ears when I drop that I do not want children. I look at the lifestyles of my friends from the outer boroughs. Most of them are still single, do not own homes, and do not have children or any plans to create any. Transient. Freedom. I do not see my life, or that group of friend�s lives going unfulfilled. I hate to feel stifled and living the suburban lifestyle is a stifling scenario, for me. While my sister, with all her poor decision-making is living a more stable lifestyle according to my parents. The mind, it boggles. 5:12 p.m. - 2009-12-29 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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